woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
