i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
