Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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