I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize