Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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