yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
