you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
