May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize