new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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