This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
