I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
