Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
