Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
