just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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