Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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