Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
