my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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