by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
