He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize