I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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