I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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