I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
