"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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