Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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