she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
