I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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