I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Success! We fucked roommates!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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