I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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