I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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