Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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