Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
