my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
