just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
