a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
