she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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