I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
