Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
