We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
