I hate your face
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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