Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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