so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
