Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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