so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
