i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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