You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
