White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
