Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
