just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
