Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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