You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What a dumb baby whore.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
