If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
