ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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