I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
