Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
