dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
