You just made me feel so damn special
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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