your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
