you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
