Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
