filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
