Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
