Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
