Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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