my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
