I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
