New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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