just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
