My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
