i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
