Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
